On Judgment

I’ve been reading some more work by the Dalai Lama since starting to commute on the train. It’s great to have the time to read and write again.

I’ve been reading about judgment. I’m not a Buddhist by belief, but I know good stuff when I read it. A recurring theme in my reading is the idea of not judging others, and feeling compassion for them even if they are your perceived opponent.

The idea that I am taking away from my reading is that an important first step in relinquishing judgment and feeling compassion for everyone (literally) is that we are all in the same boat together. We all suffer some pain, usually due mostly to our attachment to things or outcomes. When we have expectations, and they are not met; we suffer. This happens to everyone in their own way, but the suffering itself is universal.

There are times when I forget that we  all share similar challenges at the basic level. I look at others and wonder why they don’t live up to their abilities. But the fact is that I am projecting my beliefs onto them about what they could do, and what they are capable of. They may be engaged in some kind of self-destructive behavior that’s hard for me to watch. I may try to help, but be rebuffed. Or, they may be engaged in harming others; even me. In that case, it’s hard not to judge, and even harder to be compassionate. I have struggled with that one in my own life for many years now. The Dalai Lama teaches that we can feel compassion for our enemies, yet still protect ourselves from being harmed by them. I like that idea, and am trying to learn it.

TIWIKE:

Lighten up, people! Sometimes it’s hard to be easy on people in our lives. The people around us seem to give us good reason to judge them as being wrong and somehow not good enough from time to time. Not true. They’re just people trying to get by in their own way. It may not seem that way in the moment, but it is so. The next time that you find yourself judging someone in the moment, take some time later on to replay the event that caused you to feel that way, but this time imagine that they are trying to get along, just like you. You may find that your experience of the event changes.

When you start letting people just be people, you may find you are more comfortable being be yourself as well. Maybe it’s just a feeling, but you may find that just getting that feeling for a few moments is enough to change your experience of the day, and start getting closer to losing judgment and gaining compassion. It’s a good feeling, and one I highly recommend.

Reader question: What do you do when you find yourself being judgmental of others? What self-talk do you use?

Kenoza Lake at Sunset

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